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Reading Journal Response Sheet
Part 1: Model for Reading Articles Fill out each section
Full Citation in APA:
Keywords (your own keywords that jog your memory):
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Part 2: Prompts Respond to one of the prompts below (be sure to put which one you’re answering – delete the others).
1. What connections does this work have to you and your cultural identities?
2. How did this chapter or article change your understanding of the world?
3. How do the ideas in this chapter or article challenge, stretch, or violate your usual ways of thinking?
4. Play devils advocate. Respond to this chapter from the opposite of your usual viewpoint.
5. How does this work relate to other chapters we have read? How do they engage in dialogue?
6. Create your own prompt.
Unformatted Attachment Preview
A
rtist Eric Staib describes his
2002 painting labeled as a
self-portrait. “It depicts my feelings
about how my peers saw me when I was
growing up. The hands pointing, words said
under people’s breath. You can tell what they’re
thinking: you’re an idiot, you’re stupid, you’re a
joke.”1
By the time Eric was in third grade, he knew
he was different. Whereas his classmates
progressed rapidly in reading and writing, Eric
couldn’t make sense of words on the written
page. But it wasn’t until fifth grade that Eric was
finally given a label for his difference: learning
disabled, or LO. The LO label stained Eric’s
sense of self, making him feel ashamed. His low
self-esteem spread outward, constraining his
communication and relationships. “My whole
approach was Don’t get noticed! I’d slouch
down in class, hide in my seat. And I would
never open up to people. I let nobody in.”
Frustrated with the seemingly insurmountable
challenges of reading and writing, Eric
channeled intense energy into art. By eleventh
grade, Eric had the reading and writing abilities
of a fifth grader but managed to pass his
classes through hard work and artistic ability.
He graduated from high school with a 0
average.
Many of Eric’s peers with learning disabilities
had turned to substance abuse and dropped
out of school, but Eric pursued his education
further, taking classes at ‘.3- local community
college. There, something happened that
1AII information presented regarding artist Eric Staib was
provided with his permission, from an interview conducted
by the author in February 2005.
29
30
part 1 / Interpersonal Essentials
chapter 2 / Considering Self
transformed his view of his self, his self-esteem,
check spellings. But most importantly, I was
and the entire course of his life. While taking his
taught that it was OK to be dyslexic.”
first written exam of the semester, Eric knew the
•eThe choices involved in communicating self, including managing self ine
relationships, and suggestions for successful self-disclosuree
•eThe importance of online self-presentatione
answers, but he couldn’t write them down. No
Armed with an improving sense of self, Eric went
matter how hard he focused, he couldn’t convert
from hiding to asserting himself, “from low
the knowledge in his head into written words.
self-esteem to being comfortable voicing my
Rather than complete the exam, he wrote the
opinion, from fear to confidence.” That confidence
story of his disability on the answer sheet,
led him to transfer to a Big Ten university, where
including his struggles with reading and writing
he graduated with a degree in studio arts,
and the pain associated with being labeled LO.
percussion, and horticulture. He subsequently
He turned in his exam and left. Eric’s professor
earned a postgraduate degree in K-12 art
took his exam to the college dean, and the two of
education, graduating with a straight-A average.
them called Eric to the dean’s office. They told
him, “You need help, and we’re going to help
Eric Staib is now an art instructor in the Midwest
you.” Their compassion changed Eric’s life. Eric’s
and was a 2006 recipient of the Robert
professor arranged for Eric to meet with a learning
Rauschenberg Foundation Power of Art Award,
specialist, who immediately diagnosed him as
given to the top arts educators in the country each
dyslexic. As Eric explains, “For the first time in my
year. He also teaches instructors how to use art to
life, I had a label for myself other than ‘learning
engage students with learning disabilities. What
disabled.’ To me, the LO label meant I couldn’t
means the most to him is the opportunity to pass
learn. But dyslexia was different. It could be
down the legacy of his personal transformation.
overcome. The specialist taught me strategies for
“When I think about my dyslexia, it’s really incredible.
working with my dyslexia, and gave me my most
What was my greatest personal punishment is now
important tool-my Franklin Spellchecker-to
the most profound gift I have to offer to others.”
r The Components of Self
Your self is the driving
force of your
communication
At Delphi in ancient Greece, the temple of the sun-god
Apollo was adorned with the inscription Gnothi se auton”Know thyself” According to legend, when one of the
seven sages of Greece, Chilon of Sparta, asked Apollo,
“What is best for people?” the deity responded with that simple admonition. More
than 2,500 years later, these words still ring true, especially in the realm of interper
sonal communication and relationships. To understand our interactions with others
and the bonds we forge, we must first comprehend ourselves. But what exactly is
“thyselfe” that we need to know?
The self is an evolving composite of self-awareness, self-concept, and self
esteem. Although each of us experiences the self as singular (“This is who I am”), it
31
chapter outline
31
The Components of Self
38
The Sources of Self
42
Communicating Your Self
51
The Social Media Self
55
Improving Your Self
actually is made up of three distinct yet integrated components that continually
evolve over time, based on your life experiences.
SELF-AWARENESS
Self-awareness is the ability to view yourself as a unique person distinct from your
surrounding environment and to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
That is, you are able to turn a lens on yourself and examine the resulting image that
you see. According to sociologist George Herbert Mead (1934), self-awareness
helps you develop a strong sense of your self because during interpersonal encoun
ters, you monitor your own behaviors and form impressions of who you are from
Every word you’ve ever spoken during an encounter, every
act of kindness or cruelty you’ve committed, has the same root source-your self.
When you look inward, you are peering into the wellspring from which all your
interpersonal actions flow. But even as your self influences your interpersonal
communication, it is shaped by your communication as well. Through
communicating with others, we learn who we are, how others perceive Lis, and
how we should act. This means that the starting point for improving your
communication is understanding your self. In this way, you can begin to clarify
your thoughts and feelings about your self; comprehend how these are linked
to your interpersonal communication; and develop strategies for enhancing
your sense of self, your communication skills, and your interpersonal
relationships.
In this chapter, we explore the source of all interpersonal communication:
the self. You’ll learn:
•eThe components of self, as well as how critical self-reflection can be used toe
improve your communication skills and your self-esteeme
•eThe ways in which gender, family, and culture shape your sense of selfe
•eHow to present and maintain a positive selfe
such observations. As a result, your sense of self may vary by situation, such as home
versus school, and relationally, such as close friend versus classmate (Fiske &Taylor,
2017). For example, your best friend texts you that they failed an important exam.
You feel bad, so you text a comforting response. Your self-awareness of your com
passion and your observation of your kindhearted message lead you to think, “I’m a
caring and supportive friend.”
When you use your self-awareness to assess how well your communication
matches situational norms, you are engaged in self-monitoring. Some individuals are
keenly self-aware of whether or not their behaviors and communication are well-suited
to the situation they are in (Giles &Street, 1994). Known as high self-monitors, these
individuals prefer situations in which clear expectations exist regarding how they’re
supposed to communicate, and they possess both the ability and the desire to alter
thei r behaviors to fit any type of social situation. In contrast, low self-monitors prefer
encounters in which they can just “act like themselves” and say what they think ande
feel, without having to scrutinize their communication to see whether it abides by
norms (Oyamot et al., 2010). As a consequence, high
self-monitors are often judgede
as m ore adaptive and skilled communicators
than low self-monitors (Gangestad &e
�nyder, 2000). However, high self-monitoring may have its drawbacks as well. Fore
mstance, people who are chronically lonely tend to suppress their expression ofe
emotions, and
research suggests that high self-monitors are more likely than lowe
self-monitors to suppress their emotional expression in
this way (Smith et al., 2019).e
E1 LaunchPad Video
launchpadworks.com
Self-Monitoring
Watch this clip online to
answer the questions below.
Does this video show a low
self-monitor or high
self-monitor? Please explain
your reasoning. Have you ever
changed your behavior after
self-monitoring? If so, under
what circumstances?
32
part 1 / Interpersonal Essentials
EiJ LaunchPad Video
launchpadworks.com
Social Comparison
Watch this clip online to
answer the questions below.
This means that high self-monitors may “mask” feelings of loneliness-“putting on a
happy face” when in actuality they are profoundly sad-which can make it difficult for
others to tell that they are feeling lonely. Consequently, loved ones of high self
monitors may face a wellness challenge: because they can’t look to the person’s
displayed emotions for guidance regarding their true inner states of being, they must
instead try to create a context in which it’s situationally appropriate to share such
feelings, and then ask direct questions about those feelings. Our recommendation is
to initiate such encounters face-to-face without other people around in a quiet, pri
vate space in which the high self-monitor feels they can safely “let their guard down.”
As we’re watching and evaluating our own actions, we also engage in social
comparison: observing and assigning meaning to others’ behavior and then com
paring it with ours. Social comparison has a particularly potent effect on self when
we compare ourselves to people we wish to emulate. When we compare favorably
when measured against respected others, we think well of ourselves; when we don’t
compare favorably, we think less of ourselves.
You can greatly enhance your interpersonal communication by practicing a
targeted kind of self-awareness known as critical self-reflection. To engage in critical
self-reflection, ask yourself the following questions:
chapter 2 / Considering Self
33
0 Our self-conc;ept is
influenced by our beliefs
about how others view us.
Tetra Images, LLC/Alamy
• What am I thinking and feeling?
• Why am I thinking and feeling this way?
What aspects of your self are
you more likely to compare with
others? How does this impact
your self-awareness?
Want to see more? Check
out LaunchPad for a clip on
self-fulfilling prophecies.
• How am I communicating?
• How are my thoughts and feelings influencing my communication?
• How can I improve my thoughts, feelings, and communication?
The ultimate goal of critical self-reflection is embodied in the last question: How
can I improve? Improving your interpersonal communication is possible only when you
accurately understand how your self drives your communication behavior. In the remain
der of this chapter, and in the marginal Self-Reflection exercises you’ll find throughout
this book, we help you make links between your self and your communication.
SELF-CONCEPT
Self-concept is your overall perception of who you are. If self-awareness is your
ability to focus a lens upon yourself, self-concept is the picture taken through that
lens. Your self-concept is based on the beliefs, attitudes, and values you have about
yourself. Beliefs are convictions that certain things are true-for example, ‘Tm an
excellent student.” Attitudes are evaluative appraisals, such as “I’m happy with how
I’m doing in school.” Values represent enduring principles that guide your interper
sonal actions-for example, “I think it’s wrong to cheat on schoolwork.”.
Your self-concept is shaped by a host of factors, including your family, friends,
gender, and culture (Vallacher et al., 2002). As we learned in the opening story
about Eric Staib, one of the biggest influences on your self-concept is the labels
others put on you. How do others’ impressions of you shape your self-concept?
Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley (1902) argued that it’s like looking at yourself
in the “looking glass” (mirror). When you stand in front of it, you consider your
appearance through the eyes of others. Do they see you as attractive? Confident?
Approachable? Seeing yourself in this fashion-and thinking about how others
must see you-has a powerful effect on how you think about your physical self.
Cooley noted that the same process shapes our broader self-concept: it is based in
part on your beliefs about how others see you, including their perceptions and
se If
reflection
evaluations of you (“People think I’m talented, and they like me”) and your emotional response to those beliefs (“I feel good/bad about how others see me”).
According to Cooley, when we define our self-concepts by considering how others ————
see us, we are creating a looking-glass self.
Consider your looking-glass
self. What Rinds of labels do
Some people have clear and stable self-concepts; that is, they know exactly who
your friends use to describe
they are, and their sense of self endures across time, situations, and relationships. Oth
you? What kinds of labels does
ers struggle with their identity, remaining uncertain about who they really are, what
your family use? How do you
they believe, and how they feel about themselves. The degree to which you have a
feel about others’ impressions
of you? In what ways do
clearly defined, consistent, and enduring sense of self is known as self-concept clarity
these feelings shape your
(Campbell et al., 1996), and it has a powerful effect on your health, happiness, and
interpersonal communication
outlook on life. Research suggests that people who have a stronger, clearer, sense of
and relationships?
self (i.e., higher self-concept clarity) have higher self-esteem, are less likely to experi
ence negative emotions (both in response to stressful situations and in general), are
less likely to experience chronic depression (Lee-Flynn et al., 2011), and are more
likely to self-disclose-that is, to reveal personal information about themselves
(Tajmirriyahi & Ickes, 2020). In simple terms, high self-concept clarity helps you
weather the unpredictability and instability of the world around you.
Keep two implications in mind when considering your self-concept and its
impact on your interpersonal communication. First, because your self-concept con
sists of deeply held beliefs, attitudes, and values, changing it may be challenging. For
example, if you’ve long thought of yourself as “not a creative person,” it may take a
lot of time and experiences being successfully creative before your self-concept
begins to shift (Fiske & Taylor, 1991).
Second, our self-concepts often lead us to create self-fulfilling prophecies
predictions about future interactions that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the
interaction unfolds as we predicted. Some self-fulfilling prophecies ignite
positive
events. For instance, you may see yourself as professionally
capable and highly skilled
at communicating, which leads you to predict
job interview success. During an inter
view, your prophecy of success leads you to communicate
in a calm and confident
fashion, which impresses the interviewers.
In turn, their reaction confirms your
34
part 1 / Interpersonal Essentials
skills
practice
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Overcoming negative
self-fulfilling prophecies
0
Identify a communication
problem you experience often
(e.g., social anxiety).
f.) Describe situations in which
it occurs, including what you
think, say, and do.
E) Use critical self-reflection to
identify how your thoughts and
feelings shape your
communication.
0 List things you could say
and do that would generate
positive results.
C, In similar situations, block
negative thoughts and feelings
that arise, and focus your
attention on practicing the
positive behaviors you listed.
prophecy. Other self-fulfilling prophecies elicit negative events. Steve once had a
friend who felt unattractive and undesirable, leading him to predict interpersonal
failure at social gatherings. When he would accompany Steve to a party, he would
spend the entire time in a corner staring morosely into a drink. Needless to say, no one
tried to talk to Steve’s friend, leading him to complain at the end of the evening, “See,
I told you no one would want to talk to me!”
chapter 2 / Considering Self
self
QUIZ
Test Your Ideal and Ought Self-Discrepancies
Think about your self-concept. List three aspects of your self that are central to your
self-concept. For each of the three aspects, select the number that best describes how you
feel for each question below.
For this aspect I am:
SELF-ESTEEM
very close to 1 2 3 4 5 very far away from
who I would ideally like to be
very close to 1 2 3 4 5 very far away from
who I feel I should be
After our self-awareness allows us to turn a lens on ourselves, and we develop the
picture by defining our self-concepts, self-esteem is the overall value, positive or
negative, that we assign to what we see. Whereas self-awareness prompts us to ask,
“Who am I?” and self-concept is the answer to that question, self-esteem is the
answer to the follow-up question: “Given who I am, what’s my evaluation of my
self ?”When your overall estimation of self is negative, you’ ll have a meager sense of
self-worth and suffer from low self-esteem. When your evaluation of self is positive,
you’ll enjoy high self-esteem.
Your self-esteem strongly shapes your interpersonal communication, relation
ships, and physical and mental health (Krauss et al., 2020). People with high self
esteem report greater life satisfaction; enjoy more social acceptance; communicate
more positively and warmly with others; experience more happiness in their
relationships; and exhibit greater leadership ability, athleticism, and academic
performance than do people with low self-esteem (Cameron & Granger, 2019).
High self-esteem also helps insulate people from stress, anxiety, and depression
(Lee-Flynn et al., 2011; Xie et al., 2020).
By contrast, people with low self-esteem are more likely to believe that friends
and romantic partners think negatively of them and, as a consequence, are less
likely to share their thoughts and feelings with others. This lack of expressivity
ultimately undermines their close relationships (Gaucher et al., 2012). In addition,
low self-esteem individuals experience negative emotions and depression more
frequently (Orth et al., 2009), resulting in destructive feedback loops like the one
depicted in Figure 2.1.
very much like 1 2 3 4 5 not at all like
who I aspire to be
very much like 1 2 3 4 5 not at all like
who I feel obligated to be
exactly like 1 2 3 4 5 completely unlike
who I hope to be
quite similar to 1 2 3 4 5 quite dissimilar to
who I have a responsibility to be
Measuring Up to Your Own Standards The key to bolstering your self-esteem
is understanding its roots. Self-discrepancy theory suggests that one factor influ
encing your self-esteem, and associated feelings, is _how your self-concept compares
to two mental standards (Higgins, 1987; Higgins et al., 1985; Mason et al., 2019).
The first is your ideal self, the characteristics (mental, physical, emotional, material,
and spiritual) that you wish to possess-the “perfect you.” Kelly describes this as
your “fairy godmother” self: that is, if your fairy godmother flew down, and waved
her magic wand-instantly transforming you into whoever you dream of being
who would that be? The second is your ought self, the person you feel responsible or
obligated to be. You can think of this as your “should be” or “supposed to be” self.
Importantly, your ideal self and ought self may clash. If you a�e a perfectionist, for
example, you may think that you should be “perfect” (“ought self”), but you might
wish (“ideal self “) that you didn’t feel this constant pressure. Alternatively, your ideal
self and your ought self may match, if the person you wish you were is also the per
son you feel obligated to be.
Both ideal and ought self standards can be guided by two different perspectives:
your perspective and the perspectives of important others, such as your family, friends,
35
Add up your numbers for the three questions in the left-hand column. This is your ideal self-discrepancy. Then
add up your numbers for the three questions in the right-hand column. This is your ought self-discrepancy.
Now repeat the questions for each of the other two aspects of your self that you listed.
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colleagues, coaches, or romantic partners.To illustrate this, think about your choice of
major-or your thoughts about potential majors, if you haven’t yet selected one. How
is your thinking influenced by who your parents wish you could be-your “ideal self ”
from their perspective? Or by what they say you’re obligated to do (“ought self”)? Keep
in mind these could be different-such as when your parents wish you could pursue a
career in art or music, but feel that you’re obligated, given family economic challenges,
to major in something more “practical” in terms of future earning power. Now
consider: is it what you wish, or what you feel you’re supposed to do? Each of these
standards and perspectives can influence your self-esteem.
/. ——
/;Negative Bellef9
about Self
“I hate myself!”
figure 2.1 Low Self-Esteem: A Vicious Cycle
36
chapter 2 / Considering Self
part 1 / Interpersonal Essentials
According to self-discrepancy theory, you feel happy and content when your
self-concept matches bo th ideal and ought selves (Katz & Farrow, 2000). However,
when your self-concept is inferior to both ideal and ought selves, you experience a
discrepancy and are likely to suffer low self-esteem (Veale et al., 2003).
Research on self-discrepancy theory documents three interesting facts about
discrepancies (Halliwell & Dittmar, 2006; Phillips & Silvia, 2005). First, women
report larger ideal self-discrepancies than do men. This isn’t surprising, given the
degree to which women are deluged with advertising and other media emphasiz
ing unattainable standards for female beauty (see Focus on Culture later in this
chapter). Second, for both women and men, self-discrepancies impact an array o f
emotio ns and feelings linked to self-esteem. For instance, people who feel greater
self-discrepancies also experience greater psychological distress, interpersonal
stress, negative emotions-such as guilt, shame, and anger-and lower self-esteem,
and they are more likely to engage in repeated negative thoughts about self (Liw &
Han, 2020; Mason et al., 2019). Finally, self-discrepancies are most apparent and
impactful to us when we are consciously self-aware: looking in a mirror, watching
ourselves on video, or getting direct feedback from others.
This latter finding suggests an important implication for our relationships. If
we surround ourselves with people who constantly criticize, belittle, or comment on
our flaws, we are more likely to have wider self-discrepancies and lower self-esteem
due to their negative perspectives influencing our standards. Alternatively, if our
social networks support us and praise our unique abilities, our self-discrepancies
will diminish and self-esteem will rise. Thus, a critical aspect in maintaining self
esteem and life happiness is choosing to reduce contact with people who routinely
tear us down, and instead opting for fellowship with those who fortify us.
What’s more, it doesn’t matter whether or not we think we’re immune to o thers’
opinions. Research has found that the self-esteem of people who claim they couldn’t
“care less” about what other people think of them is.
just as strongly impacted by approval and criticism as
the self-esteem of people who report valuing others’
opinions (Leary et al., 2003). In short, regardless of
your perceptions, receiving others’ approval or criticism
will boost or undermine your self-esteem.
0 Influencers on social media
go to great lengths to present
idealized, se:)mingly perfect
versions of their selves-often
using filters, airbrushing, and
other visual effects. But images
like these aren’t realistic, and
can reinforce an “appearance
culture.” RossHelen/Shutterstock
Improving Your Self-Esteem Your self-esteem can
start to improve only when you reduc_e discrepancies
between your self and ideal and ought selves. How can
you do this? Begin by assessing your self-concept.
Make a list of the beliefs, attitudes, and values that
make up your self-concept. Be sure to include both
positive and negative attributes. Then think about your
self-esteem. In reviewing the list you’ve made, do you
see yourself po sitively or negatively?
Next, analyze your ideal self. Who do you wish
you were? Is this ideal attainable, or is it unrealistic? If it is attainable, what would
you have to change to become this person? If you made these changes, would you be
satisfied with yourself, or would your expectations for yourself simply escalate
further? Now consider the perspectives of other important people in your life
and how they influence your ideal standard, asking yourself these same questions.
Then turn to analyze your ought self, and start with the perspective of
important o ther people. Who do others think you should be? Can you ever become
focus on
CULTURE
37
How Does the Media Shape Your Self-Esteem?
Korean American
shape, and physical appearance (Trekels & Eggermont,
comedian Margaret Cho
2017). In an appearance culture, standards for appearance
has trailblazed issues of
are defined by the media through digitally enhanced
racism and sexism in comedy. In this
images of bodily perfection (Field et al., 1999), and
excerpt from her one-woman show The
imposed by peers through conversations and sometimes
Notorious C.H.O., she offers her thoughts on self-esteem:
You know when you look in the mirror and think,
“Oh, I’m so fat, I’m so old, I’m so ugly”? That is not
your authentic self speaking. That is billions upon
billions of dollars of advertising-magazines, movies,
billboards -all geared to make you feel bad about
yourself so that you’ll take your hard-earned money
and spend it at the mall. When you don’t have
self-esteem, you will hesitate before you do
anything. You will hesitate to go for the job you really
want. You will hesitate to ask for a raise. You will
hesitate to defend yourself when you’re
discriminated against. You will hesitate to vote. You
will hesitate to dream. For those of us plagued with
low self-esteem, improving [it] is truly an act of
revolution! (Custudio, 2002)
Cho is right. And it’s important to emphasize that this
doesn’t just apply to women. We live in an “appearance
culture,” a society that values and reinforces extreme,
unrealistic ideals, and glorification of attractiveness, body
through bullying (Gattario et al., 2020; Trekels &
Eggermont, 2017). When we internalize messages about
the perfect body and appearance, we can end up
despising our own bodies and craving unattainable
perfection (Jones et al., 2004). This can result in low
self-esteem, depression, and, in some cases,
self-destructive behaviors such as eating disorders
(Harrison, 2001). To combat these outcomes, we should do
our best to limit consumption of harmful media messages
and the destructive comparisons they elicit.
discussion questions
• How would you teach a younger sibling to maintain
their self-esteem in an appearance culture? What
would be specific tips to help bolster their
self-esteell)?
• What are some positive ways we can respond to
others when their talk seems to be enforcing an
appearance culture? How can we help ourselves,
and others, focus on our positive qualities and
strengths?
the person others expect? What would you have to do to become this person? If
you did all these things, would others be satisfied with you, or would their expec
tations escalate? Then co nsider yo ur o wn perspective in terms of who yo u think
you should be, or who you feel that you have an o bligation to be, repeating these
same questions.
Fourth, revisit and redefine your standards. This step requires intense, concen
trated effort over a long period of time. If you find that your ideal and ought selves
are realistic and attaid’able, move to the final step. If you decide that your ideal and
ought selves are unrealistic and unattainable, redefine these standards so that each
can be attained through sustained work. If you find yourself unable to abandon
�nrealistic and unattainable standards, from your own or another person’s perspec
tive, don’t be afraid to consult with a professional therapist or another trusted
resource for assistance.
�ifth, create an action plan for resolving any self-discrepancies. Map out the
specific actions necessary to eventually attain your ideal and ought selves. Frame
you� new standards as a list of goals, and post them in your planner, phone, bedroom;
or kitchen to remind yourself of these goals. Since self-esteem can’t be changed in a
da�, a w eek, or even a month, establish a realistic time line. Then implement this
a tton plan in your daily life, checking your progress as you go.
38
chapter 2 / Considering Self
part 1 / Interpersonal Essentials
Finally,consider how you can diversify your investments in your self by pursu
ing multiple interests and activities. For example,if you devoted much of your youth
to honing athletic skills and developing that singular aspect of your self, who will
you be when you can no longer play your sport? Rather than spending all our time
and energy on one aspect of ourselves-putting all our eggs in one basket-we
should consider how we can develop across multiple dimensions, building a shield
for our self-esteem. Thus,as our self evolves over time,when one dimension dimin
ishes,for whatever reason,another dimension can expand to compensate for it.
The Sources of Self
For most of us,critical self-reflection isnt’ a new activity. After all,
we spend much of our daily lives looking inward,so we feel that we
know our selves. But this doesn’t mean that our sense of self is
entirely self-determined. Instead, our selves are shaped by at least
three powerful outside forces: gender,family,and culture.
Outside forces
influence your
view of self
GENDER AND SELF
One primary outside force shaping our sense of self is our gender-the composite of
social, psychological, ahd behavioral attributes that a particular culture associates
with an individual’s biological sex (American Psychological Association [APA],
2015b). It may strike you as strange to see gender described as an “outside force.”
Gender is innate, something you’re born with, right? Actually, scholars distinguish
gender,which is largely learned,or constructed through our social interactions,from
biological sex, which is a category assigned at birth. Each of us is born with biological
sex organs that distinguish us anatomically as female, male, or intersex-that is, a
person who is born with or who develops characteristics in reproductive or sexual
anatomy that dont’ seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male (lnterACT,
2020). By contrast, our gender is shaped over time through our interactions with
others,institutional frameworks,and the culture in which we live.
Immediately after birth, we begin a lifelong process of gender socialization. This
process may encourage binary-and sometimes stereotypical-distinctions by which
we learn from others what it means personally, interpersonally, and culturally to be
“male” or “female.” Girls may be taught to be aware of their physical appearance and to
0 The sources of self include your gender, your family, and your culture. (Left to right) Ronnie Kaufman/Getty Images; Caroline Penn/Panos
Pictures; age fotostock/Ala my
be more sensitive to their own and others’ emotions and needs,such as focusing on
domestic chores, while boys may be taught to be tough and competitive,and may be
allowed more independence (Kagesten et al., 2016; Lippa, 2002). This process influ
ences our gender identity-our innate sense of ourselves as boy, man, or male; girl,
woman,or female; or another variation,such as gender-neutral,genderqueer,or gender
nonconforming (APA, 2015b). Tr
