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Running head: RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
Relationship Analysis of Chris & Carmen
Student Paper
CHDV 1200-XX
Septemburary 16, 2029
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
Chris and Carmen
Introduction
Chris and Carmen have been together for 30 years. Chris is a 50 years old man, and
works as a plumber. Carmen is a 49-year-old woman, and works as a dental office manager.
Although they both share a Mexican cultural background, Chris also has a French cultural
background. Before their relationship, neither one of them had been in a serious relationship.
They met at a house party. They both were attracted to each other’s humorous personalities, and
continue to be. Since then, Chris and Carmen have gotten married and became parents. They did
not live together or have children until after they got married. They enjoy spending time with
family, and going on vacations, whether it be Big Bear Lake or Hawaii. The biggest strength in
their relationship is that they have many things in common such as their love for sports. I decided
to interview Chris and Carmen on their views and experiences on love/life partners,
communication, marriage, and parenthood.
Topics
Love/ Life Partners
Chris and Carmen both said that they knew they were in love with each other at first
sight. When they met at the house party, Chris mentioned that he knew he was interested in her
because of her personality. Carmen was very attracted to him, and said she was even infatuated
by him. What influenced Chris to pick Carmen as his life partner was her personality, the fact
that they get along very well, and they have many similar views and interests. They are very
like-minded people, which makes it easy for them to have things to talk about, as well as coming
up with things to do. They both enjoy watching sports, and can get very passionate when a team
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
they like is playing. Although Carmen also enjoys these aspects of their relationship, her decision
to choose Chris as a life partner was different. Carmen was influenced by the relationship her
in-laws have. She knew that since Chris was a product of his parent’s she would get a similar
relationship. When asked what their definition of love was, they both had very similar answers.
They both feel that love means that they support each other and stick with each other through
thick and thin. Chris shows his love by telling her he loves her every day, and thinks she does
thesame. Carmen shows her love by taking care of him emotionally, physically, and financially.
Shebelieves that he shows his love to her by taking care of her, and feeding her. Carmen
believes that a huge part of them showing that they love each other is that they respect each
other. The way they feel that they express their love can be due to what their love languages are.
In the Chapter 5 Mini-Lecture, we learned that Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book regarding “The
Five Love Languages” (Torres, 2020). Based on what the couple said, it seems that Chris’s love
language would be “Words of Affirmation”, while Carmen’s love language seems to be “Acts of
Service”. In order to be aware of each other’s love languages couples must learn how to
communicate their needs and feelings.
Communication
Communication is known as one of the most important parts of a relationship. Even the
healthiest relationships, however, can sometimes have trouble with it. The couple both
mentioned that they believe communication is a huge part of their relationship. Chris believes it
is good for them to speak their mind if there is a problem. Carmen thinks it is important to speak
EVERY emotion they are feeling. When they are on good terms their communication flows and
everything is good. When they are on bad terms, however, Carmen stated that Chris does not
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
communicate as much. He admitted that he is quiet when he is mad and gives her the cold
shoulder”. When it comes to communicating through problems, they both seemed to have a
different approach. Carmen feels like she does most of the talking, and he simply butts in if he
disagrees with something. Chris said that he does not dwell on it and just moves on. According
to the textbook, anger and conflict should be viewed as challenges to be met rather than avoided
(Schechtman & Schechtman, 2003). It seems as though Chris prefers to avoid problems. They
both feel as though their communication has changed since they first started dating. When being
with someone for that long, it can get easier to communicate due to the fact that they know so
much about each other. They now feel more comfortable to communicate with each other. There
are even times when they can just look at each other and know something is wrong. Whatever
form of communication they use has worked and led them to marriage.
Marriage
Deciding to take a relationship to the next step and get married is a major decision that
both people need to be ready for. This was the case for Chris and Carmen. They both knew they
wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other, and were ready to take this next step. The
couple both agreed that their relationship changed after they got married. Before they got
married they were living apart together as mentioned in the textbook. Living apart together is
when a couple is committed to a long-term relationship, but do not live together (Lamanna,
Riedmann, & Stewart, 2018). Once they got married, they moved in together and had to deal
with things such as bills. They both found themselves having to be more responsible after
getting married. Although they had to deal with the stresses that came after marriage, they still
manage to enjoy themselves and keep the marriage interesting. They both mentioned going on
vacations
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and doing things they enjoy doing together as ways to keep their marriage strong. Chris and
Carmen share similar social characteristics, such as cultures and religion. According to Lamanna,
Riedmann, and Stewart (2018) social scientists term this phenomenon homogamy. Carmen also
mentioned that struggling while paying bills has managed to keep them strong because they
struggle together. They have struggled together which has helped them grow together. I found this
interesting yet very true. This refers back to sticking by each other through thick and thin.
Both Carmen and Chris felt that their parent’s relationship influenced how they wanted their
marriage to be. Chris mentioned that his parent’s relationship is the best relationship he has
known. Carmen said that her parents had a good relationship, and seeing them made her know
that she wanted her kids to have two loving parents.
Parenthood
Chris and Carmen have two daughters. One daughter is 18, and the other is 16. An
interesting thing Carmen mentioned is that she had always imagined having two boys. She got
the complete opposite, but is still happy and blessed to have a family. They each had a different
experience when transitioning into parenthood. Chris felt that he had to learn to be patient.
Carmen on the other hand was very experienced in taking care of children because she babysat
since she was 12. She was excited to experience it with her own child. She had to teach Chris
how to care for an infant. Chris expressed that becoming a parent was the best thing that
happened in his life besides meeting Carmen. In the textbook it states that for the majority of
couples, the transition to parenthood means less time spent relaxing together and declines in their
emotional and sexual relationship (Clayton & Perry-Jenkins, 2008). This was not the case for
Chris and Carmen. Managing being both a spouse and a parent can be very hard, but they have
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
managed to do so. Carmen says that when the girls were first born, she had to put most of her
attention on them but still had fun with her husband. As the girls got older, she learned to merge
being a mother and a wife. Chris had a bit of a different perspective. He believes that being a
spouse comes first, but he is still always there for his daughters.
What Chris finds most challenging about being a parent is making sure he makes the
right decisions in his life so that his daughters make the right ones in theirs. Carmen feels that
the hardest part of parenthood has been dealing with how the world influences her daughters. As
much as she raises them and shows them right from wrong, there are other people along with
social media influencing some of their decisions as well. This makes her feel a bit out of control.
According to “Parenting and Digital Media”, an article published by the American Academy of
Pediatrics, “Children today average more hours engaged with media each week than they do
engaged with almost any other activity (between 6 and 9 hours/day)” (Pediatrics, 2017).
Figuringout how to parent was challenging for both of them. Neither parent mentioned that
caring for thechild financially was challenging, which tends to be a huge factor. They usually
agree on how toparent their children, however they have come to some disagreements. When
this happens, the couple decides to let it play out and usually end up agreeing on the decision.
They are proud of the great young women their daughters have become.
Unhealthy Relationship Pattern
Communication. Although they seem to have a very healthy relationship and care for
each other very much, there is an area for improvement in communication. The way they
communicate works for them, however it seems like they tend to avoid the problem instead of
confront it head on. Chris admitted to giving the silent treatment, and mentioned that Carmen is
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
mean when they are in an argument. When they do talk about an issue, Carmen feels like she is
the only one communicating. Chris mentioned that he feels more comfortable talking to her now
than when they first started dating, however he does not seem to show that. As easy as it might
be to ignore an issue and simply decide when they want to stop being mad, it may affect them
later on. If one of them is bothered by something, and does not communicate how it made them
feel, it might come up again later and create another argument. The theoretical perspective that
this can relate to is the Interaction-Constructionist Perspective. This perspective focuses on
interaction, the face-to-face encounters and relationships of individuals who act in awareness of
each other (Lamanna, Riedmann, & Stewart, 2018). The way Chris and Carmen interact can
have an effect on family identity, traditions, and commitment. They seem to have great
communication when they are on good terms, but not when it might be needed the most. They
avoid face-to-faceconversations. The way they communicate can also affect their children. They
might think that itis okay to avoid problems since that is what their parents do. It might be
harder for them to learnhow to properly communicate how they feel if they see their parents
ignore each other rather than communicate through an issue.
Healthy Relationship Practice
Improving Communication. A resolution that I would suggest for this unhealthy
relationship practice would be to work through conflicts in a positive way. There are many ways
to do this without adding more fuel to the fire, and making the argument worse. According to
Lamanna, Riedmann, and Stewart (2018), there are ten guidelines a couple can follow to
successfully do this. One of the ten guidelines is to express anger directly and with kindness.
Expressing anger directly is advised because doing so can lead to a resolution. Doing this with
kindness,
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however, is the best way to approach the situation. When a situation is approached with kindness
regardless of the anger that the couple might be feeling, Chris and Carmen will both feel less
threatened. If they feel less threatened and can convey positive feelings, it makes it easier for
them to both communicate what the problem is rather than just Carmen speaking.
Another guideline that Chris and Carmen can follow to improve communication would be
avoiding mixed messages. Mixed messages often arise from denying conflict or tension. Chris
shows an example of this when he gives the silent treatment. If they confront the issue, this can
prevent them from being passive aggressive later on as well. The last guideline that I would
suggest would be to address a specific issue, ask for change, and be open for compromise. When
being specific about the issue, it can be easier for either of them to know exactly what went
wrong. This then makes asking for change easier as well since the partner knows exactly what
they did wrong, or what needs to be changed. I believe being open to compromise is very
important when discussing a conflict. There is not always going to be a clear solution because
everyone has their own views on things. Therefore, if there is a way for the couple to come up
with a way to meet in the middle, Chris and Carmen should be open to this. Lastly, Chris and
Carmen should make sure to not only communicate what they feel, but try their best to
comprehend the other partners views and feelings.
Conclusion
My experience with interviewing Chris and Carmen was fun and interesting. I grew up
around them because they are my best friend’s parents, but I never thought much of their
relationship experiences and challenges. I have considered them a second family, and their
relationship is one that I look up to. I found some of their responses surprising only because I
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
had never really asked them about their relationship. Their responses helped me better
understand what we have learned in the class because I could make connections. Although I have
known Chris and Carmen most of my life, I would not feel comfortable talking to them about the
unhealthy pattern that I found. They have made it work for many years, and they are comfortable
with the way they do things. I would like to mention healthy relationship practices, however I
would be afraid to offend them. The most difficult part of writing this essay was finding an
outside source, because I found all the connections I needed from the book. The easiest part
would have to be the interview. I am very comfortable with the couple, and I feel like this led to
a great interview. I can take the information I learned from this interview as well as from the
textbook and use it in my future relationships.
RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS
References
Coyne, S.M., Radesky, J., Collier, K.M., Gentile, D.A., Linder, J.R., Nathanson, A.I.,
Rasmussen, E.E., Reich, S.M., & Rogers, J. (2017). Parenting and Digital Media.
Pediatrics. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/140/Supplement_2/S112
Lamanna, M. A., Riedmann, A., & Stewart, S. D. (2018). Marriages, families, and
relationships: Making choices in a diverse society. (13th ed.). Boston, MA:
Cengage Learning. 121-279. Print.
Torres, D. (2020). Love and life partners [PowerPoint slides].Retrieved from:
https://calstatela.instructure.com/courses/53521/pages/review-mini-lecture-number-1-lov
e-and-choosing-a-life-partner?module_item_id=2095121.
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Rosa Merino
Relationship Analysis Questions
5 points
Must create at least 4 questions per topic (minimum 4 topics). You do not need to include
questions that will be asked to write the introduction.
Topic #1: Communication in Relationships
1. How can you rate your communication with your partner in terms of effectiveness? (Positive
versus negative affect Chapter 11, p. 282)
2. How do you feel when your partner fails to communicate? (Positive versus negative affect
Chapter 11, p. 282)
3. Which method of communication do you use to communicate with your partner? (Gender
differences and communication Chapter 11, p. 282).
4. How do you express your anger when upset? (Relates to indirect expressions of anger chapter 11,
p. 280).
Topic #2: Intimacy and Sexuality in Relationships
1. How often do you engage in sexual affairs with your partner? (Our Sexual Selves Chapter 4, p.
83)
2. How does sex affect your relationship? (Sex with affection Chapter 4, p. 95)
3. How many sexual partners have you ever had in your previous relationships? (Young Spouses
and partners Chapter 4, p.99)
4. How do you express your sexual feelings to your partner? (Relates to responsibility to Sexual
partners Chapter 4, p.108)
Topic #3: Love and Choosing a Life Partner
1. Why did you choose your partner? (Assortative mating: a filtering process Chapter 5, p.120).
2. How long did it take for you to get engaged to your partner? (The Final Filter: Cohabitation and
engagement Chapter 5, p.124)
3. How do you guard and maintain your love relationship with your partner? (Nurturing loving and
committed relationship Chapter 5, p.138)
4. How did your parents react when they learnt that you are dating your partner? (Contemporary
dating Chapter 5, p.128).
Topic #4: Raising Children in a Diverse Society
1. How did it feel to have your first child? (The transition to Parenthood Chapter 9, p.220)
2. How do you balance work and parenting? (Working-Class Parents Chapter 9, p.231)
3. How do you ensure that you are close with your children? (Doing motherhood Chapter 9, p.223)
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4. What parenting challenges have you experienced so far? (Parenting Challenges
and resilience Chapter 9, p.219)
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Relationship Analysis
60 points
Purpose
The purpose of this 7-page paper is to interview a couple in a long-term relationship (over 10
years), while integrating the information learned in lectures, through the course text-book, and
from online discussions. You will choose four or more topics covered in class, and create
interview questions to help identify unhealthy relationship patterns. The objective of the
Relationship Analysis paper is to educate and openly discuss sensitive topics with others, as an
avenue for self-reflection and progression of knowledge. This paper will provide students with
the opportunity to develop writing skills and apply course topics to real-life scenarios.
The purpose of this paper is to:
1. Develop habits of critical inquiry and mastery of critical thinking skills in regards to
relationships.
2. Apply course content to understand the relationship of self and their SOCIAL
environments.
3. Analyze families and interpersonal relationships from a variety of theoretical/conceptual
frameworks.
4. Demonstrate understanding of interpersonal dynamics of marriage, family, and close
relationships in a diverse society.
5. Demonstrate skills that facilitate individual choices and actions relative to personal
lives.
6. Explain and apply knowledge about relationship skills, including empathic
communication, problem-solving and conflict management.
7. Identify campus and community resources and/or best practices to support individuals
and families addressing intimate relationship challenges.
Skills
The purpose of this assignment is to help you practice the following skills that are essential
to your success in this course / in school / in this field / in professional life beyond school:
o Understanding basic disciplinary knowledge and methods/tools
o Applying basic disciplinary knowledge/tools to problem-solving in a similar
but unfamiliar context
o Analyzing
o Synthesizing
o Judging/evaluating and selecting best solutions
o Creating/inventing a new interpretation, product, theory, intervention
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Task
•
Write a 7-page paper
o Students will interview a couple SEPARATELY regarding the factors that
contributed to their choice of spouse/partner. It is important to interview couples
separately so their responses are not influenced by the other person’s presence.
Students should structure their questions so that they can obtain information on
• the degree to which social factors contributed to the decision (i.e., age
expectations, race, historical events, social class, religion, etc.), and
• the extent to which their marriage decision was the result of
knowledgeable or default decision making (i.e., were alternatives
explored, values clarified, a gut factor recognized, etc.?)
Structure
o APA Title Page (Does not count toward page count)
o Introductory paragraph
• The introductory paragraph should introduce the couple. Keep their
information confidential by using pseudonyms. Include a short
introduction detailing their gender, approximate age, occupational
status, cultural background, and experience with marriage and
parenthood. What was this couple’s story?
• Sample questions (you do not have to ask all of these questions):
o How did you meet?
o What attracted you to each other?
o Were you in other serious relationships prior to your marriage?
o How long did you date? What was a typical date like?
o When did you decide to get married? Did you live together first?
o What do you do together for fun?
o Describe each of your roles in the relationship. How did you come
to have these roles?
o What are your biggest arguments about in your relationship?
o Do you have children? If you do, how did you make the decision to
have children and how has having children changed your
marriage/relationship?
o Do you work? How do work responsibilities impact your family
life?
o What is the biggest strength of your relationship?
o Four (or more) chapter topics. Topics should be noted as bold subtitles within the
paper.
Topics List (YOU MUST CHOOSE TOPICS FROM THIS LIST):
• Gender Identity
• Sexuality
• Love and/or Life Partners
• Non-marital Lifestyles/Cohabitation
• Marriage
• Parenthood
• Raising Children in a Diverse Society
• Work and Family
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• Communication
• Power in Families
• Family Stress
• Crisis
• Resilience
• Anger Management
• Mental Health Disorders
o Identify an unhealthy relationship pattern and explain why it can be problematic
in relationships.
• Must identify an unhealthy pattern that was covered in lectures or chapter
readings.
• Must use evidence learned through lectures, chapter readings,
and/or research to support the reason for choosing this unhealthy
relationship pattern.
• Must relate back to ONE theoretical perspective; explain the theoretical
perspective within the paper.
Theoretical Perspectives:
• Family Life Course Development Framework
• Structure-Functional Perspective
• Attachment Theory
• Family Systems Theory
• Biosocial Perspective
• Exchange Theory
• Conflict and Feminist Theory
• Social Learning Theory
• Family Ecology Perspective
• Interaction-Constructionist Perspective
o Provide a healthy solution to help minimize or alleviate the unhealthy relationship
pattern.
• Must use evidence and practices learned through lectures, chapter
readings, and research.
• In this section, you must cite at least one outside source to explain the
benefits or outcomes of your suggested healthy solution.
o Conclusion
• Answer the following questions:
o What was your experience interviewing the couple?
o Were there any answers that surprised you?
o How do the responses in the interview tie in with or confirm the
things you learned about in this course?
o Would you feel comfortable divulging the unhealthy pattern that
you noticed, in an attempt educate the couple on healthier
relationship practices?
o What was the most difficult part about this paper?
o What was the most enjoyable part about this paper?
o How can you use the information you gained from this experience
in the future?
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o References Page (Does not count toward page count)
• Must include at least two APA references
o The textbook and at least one outside source
Sample Structure
APA Title page: Name, title of paper, date, class, and section number
Body:
Title
Intro paragraph. This is where you give back story about your couple. How long they
have been in a relationship/married. How they met. Etc.
Topics
Love
I asked the couple what their love language was, but they did not know what that was…
Communication
I asked the couple about their communication style…
Marriage
The couple the I interviewed has been married for twenty-five years…
Parenthood
The couple has two children…
Work and Family
Both people in the relationship work….
Family Stress
As a result of both partners working, family stress is prominent in their relationship. The
couple has to balance….
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Unhealthy Relationship Pattern
Communication. Identify a problem or unhealthy pattern in the relationship and relate it
back to a theoretical perspective. According to Smith (2011) individuals in relationships may
have different ways of communicating.
Healthy Relationship Practice
Communication. Provide a resolution to the problem/unhealthy pattern. You may want
to think of this as giving the couple advice, based on research from the textbook and at least one
outside source.
Conclusion
Conclusion paragraph. What was your experience interviewing the couple? What was the
most difficult part about this paper? What was the most enjoyable part about this paper?
How can you use the information you gained from this experience in the future? Etc.
APA References Page: 2 References (textbook & outside source)
Grading of Writing Style and Organization
• Writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand
• Writing appropriate for an academic paper. No casual/non-academic language
o Example: spell out words fully rather than using abbreviations (use do not, avoid
don’t). Avoid “like” and “totally”. Do not write “til” or “till” instead write until.
• Clear topic sentence (opening sentence) at the start of each paragraph
• Clear summary (closing sentence) at the end of each paragraph (this final sentence
summarizes and interprets what you wrote about in the paragraph)
• Free of spelling and grammatical errors
•
Grading of Paper Formatting
• Times New Roman, size 12-point
• 1-inch margins – all the way around the paper
• Double Spaced; No extra spacing after each sentence
• APA Title Page
• 7-page paper (8-page maximum; points will be deducted after the eighth page)
• APA Reference Page
o Refer to Purdue OWL, APA help on Canvas, or the library for assistance.
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Submission of Questions for Relationship Analysis Paper
Due Monday 7/3 by 11:59pm
5 points
Must create at least 4 questions per topic (minimum 4 topics). You do not need to include
questions that will be asked to write the introduction. You must make a connection between the
question and class content/textbook.
Format:
Relationship Analysis Questions
Love
1. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
2. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
3. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
4. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
Communication
1. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
2. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
3. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
4. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
Marriage
1. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
2. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
3. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
4. Question (Explanation of how this question connects to class content and/or the textbook.)
Etc.
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Submission of Relationship Analysis Draft
Due Monday 7/24 by 11:59pm
5 points
All seven pages must be submitted to earn full credit for the draft.
Submission of Final Relationship Analysis Paper
Due Monday 7/31 by 11:59pm
50 points
All portions of the paper must be submitted by the deadline. The order is as follows:
1. Title Page
2. Relationship Analysis Paper
3. References Page
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