English Question

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find attached the previous draft i did. the instructor want me to rewrite it. below are the instructor feedback on the attached previous draft FEEDBACK:

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Nice to meet you! Good attempt here! Review my comments on the rubric. For more insight into the organization of your essay, see the example below:
A dictionary definition of Intelligence: Merriam-Webster defines intelligence as “the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations.”
Thesis statement: The word intelligence can be extended to other forms of intelligence that are displayed physically through movement, breathing, and artistic expression.
Main point 1: Physicality through movement
Main point 2: Breathing
Main point 3: Artistic Expression
Summative Conclusion: Restate the thesis statement and summarize the main points of the thesis statement.
In the example above, focus on how the thesis statement organizes the entire essay and how the definition is being extended with things that are not considered intelligence by definition. Ensure your thesis aligns with the example and the structure is similar. Please incorporate my feedback thoroughly to ensure you are meeting the rubric requirements for your Touchstone 3 submission.Think About Your Writing – Does not answer the majority of reflection questions or the majority of answers do not follow response length guidelines.

The originality of your reflection responses is unable to be determined.
As your reflection responses have a high similarity report with another
learner. With this in mind, your reflection responses will be scored a
zero. **************************please highlight the thesis in read


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KAFAYAT FADEYI
PATH TO SUCCESS
Success is a concept that resonates universally, yet its definition varies among individuals. This
informative essay aims to explore the multifaceted nature of success, examining key principles
and strategies that contribute to achieving one’s goals. Individuals can navigate their journeys with
clarity and purpose by understanding the components that shape success.
Success is a subjective term that encompasses various aspects of life, and individuals can enhance
their chances of success by setting clear goals, being resilient, continuously learning, managing
time effectively, and building positive relationships. It goes beyond material wealth, extending to
personal growth, happiness, and the positive impact one has on others. Recognizing the diverse
dimensions of success allows individuals to set holistic and fulfilling goals.
Goal setting is an important thing for achieving success. Setting clear and achievable goals is a
fundamental step on the path to success. Goals provide direction, purpose, and motivation.
Whether short-term or long-term, well-defined goals serve as roadmaps, guiding individuals
through the steps needed to realize their aspirations. Establishing realistic and measurable
objectives is crucial to maintain focus and track progress. The art of achieving success is intricately
tied to the science of goal setting, a deliberate and thoughtful process that charts the course toward
one’s aspirations. Goal setting is not merely about outlining objectives; it is a strategic blueprint
that brings clarity to the journey ahead. Individuals embarking on the pursuit of success must
meticulously craft their goals, ensuring they are not only aspirational but also specific, measurable,
achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). In the tapestry of success, well-defined goals act
as guiding stars, illuminating the path and providing a sense of purpose. These goals serve as
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beacons, directing efforts with precision and allowing for the celebration of milestones achieved
along the way. Whether short-term objectives that fuel immediate motivation or long-term visions
that drive sustained dedication, goals serve as the compass that orients individuals toward their
desired destination.
Success is often accompanied by challenges and setbacks. Resilience, the ability to bounce back
from adversity, is a key trait of successful individuals. Perseverance involves maintaining
determination and continuing efforts in the face of obstacles. Embracing failure as a stepping stone
toward success fosters a resilient mindset and builds the strength needed to overcome future
challenges. Perseverance, a companion to resilience, extends beyond mere endurance. It is the
tenacious commitment to goals despite obstacles, and the refusal to be deterred by failures or
delays. Perseverance entails a mindset that sees challenges not as roadblocks but as opportunities
for refinement. Those on the path to success understand that setbacks are not signs to retreat but
rather cues to persist with even greater determination. In the face of adversity, resilient individuals
display a remarkable ability to adapt and remain focused on their objectives. Their mental fortitude
allows them to weather storms, emerging stronger on the other side. Perseverance, on the other
hand, is the fuel that keeps the engine running during difficult times, propelling individuals forward
when the journey becomes arduous. Together, resilience and perseverance form an indomitable
force that empowers individuals to navigate the complex terrain of success with unwavering
resolve.
Successful individuals recognize the value of continuous learning. Whether through formal
education or life experiences, the pursuit of knowledge enhances skills and widens perspectives.
Adaptability is equally important, as success often involves navigating dynamic environments.
Being open to change and willing to acquire new skills enables individuals to stay relevant and
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thrive in evolving circumstances. Engaging in lifelong learning is not confined to the formal realms
of education; it extends to the inherent curiosity that propels individuals to seek knowledge in
diverse fields. Successful individuals are avid learners, leveraging every opportunity to acquire
new insights and expertise. This hunger for knowledge enhances their proficiency and fosters
adaptability—the capability to embrace change and thrive in dynamic environments.
Effectively managing time is a critical aspect of success. Prioritizing tasks, setting deadlines, and
avoiding procrastination are essential for achieving goals. Productivity stems from efficient time
management, allowing individuals to maximize their efforts and maintain a healthy work-life
balance. The ability to allocate time wisely contributes significantly to long-term success. Effective
time management transcends the mere ticking of the clock; it is a strategic art that involves
prioritizing tasks, setting deadlines, and maintaining a delicate balance between professional and
personal spheres. The adept handling of time allows individuals to navigate the myriad
responsibilities they face without succumbing to the pressures of procrastination or burnout.
Success is often a collaborative effort. Building strong networks and relationships with others can
provide valuable support, guidance, and opportunities. Networking extends beyond professional
connections to include personal relationships that contribute to overall well-being. Successful
individuals understand the importance of cultivating positive connections in both their personal
and professional lives. Networking extends beyond the exchange of business cards; it is a dynamic
process of cultivating genuine connections with individuals who share common interests, values,
or aspirations. Successful individuals understand that the synergy of diverse perspectives and
collaborative efforts can amplify their impact. Hence, they invest time and effort in building
relationships that extend beyond professional domains, recognizing the holistic nature of success
that encompasses both personal and professional fulfillment.
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In conclusion, success is a dynamic and multifaceted journey that involves defining personal goals,
embracing resilience, continuous learning, effective time management, and fostering meaningful
relationships. By incorporating these key principles and strategies into their lives, individuals can
navigate the path to success with purpose and fulfillment. Success is not a destination but a
continuous process of growth and achievement.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1) What is the significance of your essay? Why should your reader care about what you
have written?
The significance of this essay lies in its exploration of essential principles and strategies that
contribute to the complex and multifaceted concept of success. By delving into the importance
of goal setting, resilience, continuous learning, time management, and relationship building,
readers gain valuable insights into actionable steps that can guide them on their individual
paths to success.
2) What areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision?
While the draft covers key aspects of success, there are areas where revision could enhance the
overall quality and coherence of the essay: thesis statement clarification, integration of ideas,
expansion of examples, balancing length and conclusion refinement
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3) Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you capitalize on
your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future essays?
My writing strengths include the capacity to focus on the issue, clarity, creativity, and a large
vocabulary. My flaws include the usage of wordy sentences and a few grammar errors. In the
future, I intend to learn and practice more writing in order to strengthen the existing highlighted
strengths and eradicate the deficiencies.
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