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I wrote a draft for the paper, but this is what the professor said below I hope you can help me with it.
Dear Saleem,
Thank you for posting your Essay #2 draft. I do see a few issues. First, I wish rather than just attaching your draft you had provided some context. For example, because the topic is completely different from the topic you wrote about in the Discussion Board #4 peer activity, explaining why you chose a different topic would have been useful. Another problem related to changing the paper’s topic is that you are no longer fully engaged in the revision process because you are not building on your peer’s or my response to DB #4 work, decreasing full points for revision.
To address the draft: For the final draft, present an arguable position as a thesis statement. You have stated, “This research endeavors to unravel the intricate layers of the matrix-like effect created by the Internet and social media, shedding light on the transformative forces at play in our increasingly interconnected and digitized reality.” This statement suggests the paper is exploratory rather than argumentative. No position is asserted. The following statement, which appears toward the end of page two could be a thesis statement and seems to better prepare the reader for the majority of your paragraphs that show the hazards of social media:
While the positive impacts of technology on our lives are undeniable, it is equally important to recognize the negative repercussions that accompany these advancements. Social media companies, in particular, are actively designing applications to be increasingly addictive, exposing users to content that entices them to spend an unhealthy amount of time on their phones.
It would seem that the paragraph on the benefits of “Simply Sayin'” would be better in a counterargument position preceding the conclusion to show an opposing view, i.e., benefits, which you would then point out exist but that we cannot ignore the many problems. Accordingly, for revision restructure the essay so the body paragraphs directly connect to an arguable thesis.
Comments on citation and sources:
Khayrullina’s and Norton’s articles do not pass the CRAAP test that the librarian discussed on 11/13 and we followed up with in an in-class exercise on 11/20. (See PowerPoint in Course Materials.)
You are often using APA citations in text although as discussed in class, MLA does not cite years parenthetically.
Example from your work:
According to Rozgonjuk (2020), ‘FOMO’ (Fear of Missing Out) has been associated with learning-related factors, such as a more superficial approach to studying and procrastination.
You don’t need the year here. Another point for this source is that your Works Cited entry shows a page number, so you must provide the page number where you found this point in the in-text citation. MLA is an author-location system. (Location means page number when available.) APA is an author-year-location system. Please review the Introduction to MLA in Assignments or consult online guidelines like these: https://columbiacollege-ca.libguides.com/MLA9
LibGuides: MLA Citation Guide (9th Edition): Welcome
LibGuides: MLA Citation Guide (9th Edition): Welcome
columbiacollege-ca.libguides.com
Be sure that the author you cite in-text begins the Works Cited entry.
Example: For instance, Instagram’s Reels video service is engineered to curate streams of short videos based on the system’s determination of user interests, spanning topics like sports, fashion, or humor (Horowitz, 2023).
Your Works Cited entry should begin with Horowitz rather than Blunt.
Be sure to alphabetize the Works Cited list.
If you have questions about the above feedback, please let me know. As a reminder, the due date for the final draft is 12/20.
Sandra Holy
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Sallah
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Saleem Sallah
Sandra Holy
ENG 121
4th December, 2023
From Connectivity to Controversy: Unveiling the Dual Nature of Social Media
The pervasive influence of the Internet and social media in contemporary society has
given rise to a matrix-like effect, where individuals find themselves entangled in a digital web
that shapes perceptions, influences behavior, and blurs the boundaries between reality and virtual
existence, profoundly impacting the way we interact, communicate, and experience the world. In
an era dominated by rapid technological advancements and widespread connectivity, the digital
realm has become an integral part of our daily lives, exerting a profound and often subtle
influence on our thoughts, actions, and interpersonal relationships. As the lines between the
physical and virtual worlds continue to converge, it becomes imperative to explore the
multifaceted consequences of this digital entanglement, delving into its implications for
individual identity, societal dynamics, and the very fabric of human experience. This research
endeavors to assert that social media companies actively design addictive applications, exposing
users to content that encourages excessive screen time.
With the introduction of technology, every aspect of our lives has changed dramatically
compared to our predecessors. We rely on it heavily because of its conveniences. These
applications have become a necessity, whether it’s for banking, shopping, television, music, or
other activities that now require the Internet. It has become a realm of endless possibilities at our
fingertips.
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For instance, Phoenix Children’s Hospital (PCH) in the U.S., one of the most prominent
children’s hospitals, recently implemented a mobile app called ‘Simply Sayin” (Gastaldi 2). This
app enables professionals to communicate easily with their clients and exchange information.
Wearable technology also plays a role in health monitoring, using sensors to track essential data
such as heart rate, steps taken, and location, displaying it on a dedicated app to show progress in
one’s routine. According to Gastaldi (5), “By way of sensors, people were incentivized to
actualize their (healthy) intentions.” This approach not only helped individuals achieve their
goals but also fostered competition with people around the world using the dedicated app.
Consequently, this interconnectedness has made it faster and easier to access information,
thereby improving motivation, behavior, and the availability of various options.
While the positive impacts of technology on our lives are undeniable, it is equally
important to recognize the negative repercussions that accompany these advancements. Social
media companies, in particular, are actively designing applications to be increasingly addictive,
exposing users to content that entices them to spend an unhealthy amount of time on their phones
(Smith, 50). The more users are glued to their screens, the greater the opportunities for these
platforms to display targeted advertisements.
Social media platforms were originally introduced as spaces for individuals to
communicate, interact, and build and strengthen relationships, connecting with people who share
common interests and ideologies. However, the very features designed to facilitate connection
have inadvertently created environments where users spend more time looking down at their
screens than engaging with the real world (Johnson, 117). This constant need to react to
notifications has led to a diversion of focus.
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In his research on “Social Media’s Impact on Daily Life and Productivity at Work,”
Dmitri Rozgonjuk presents data-supported insights that suggest a detrimental effect of social
media use on productivity. Rozgonjuk asserts that “FOMO” (Fear of Missing Out) is linked to
learning-related factors, including a more superficial approach to studying and procrastination
(145).
In contemporary society, individuals increasingly devote excessive durations to social
media applications, thereby precipitating the onset of mental health afflictions. As underscored
by Aubrey (135), “What I noticed when I was engaging in social media was that I couldn’t help
but compare myself.” The prevalent trend of highlighting accomplishments on these platforms
frequently engenders circumstances in which individuals perceive themselves as unsuccessful
and marginalized. Consequently, this societal pressure impels people to undertake significant
efforts in presenting a lifestyle beyond their means, nurturing feelings of insecurity and
intensifying the adverse repercussions on mental well-being.
The internet and social media, functioning as spaces controlled by algorithms, thrive on
the content provided to them. These algorithms, driven by user interactions such as likes, shares,
comments, and clicks, meticulously structure the content feed provided to individual users. For
instance, Instagram’s Reels video service is engineered to curate streams of short videos based on
the system’s determination of user interests, spanning topics like sports, fashion, or humor
(Horowitz, 547). This tailored experience results in information bubbles, where users are
exposed primarily to content aligned with their interests.
These algorithmically driven accounts often transform into small factions that share
information and upload content based on shared ideologies. This phenomenon creates cult
followings with figures amassing significant followings, treating their opinions as gospel. The
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appearance of fake pages as peers can push users into increasingly polarized positions,
normalizing extreme viewpoints (Seetharaman, McMillan, 423). This closed mindset can make
users hostile when confronted with opposing ideologies. Shockingly, a 2016 presentation
revealed that 64% of all extremist group joins are attributed to recommendation tools
(Seetharaman, McMillan, 537).
A notable consequence of these algorithmic dynamics was evident after the 2020 election
when terrorists stormed the Capitol. This group had organized through a Facebook group,
spurred by Trump’s claims of election fraud and his declaration of victory(Johnson, 115).
Beyond content curation, algorithms also gather valuable user data, shaping not only what users
see but also influencing the very fabric of their online experiences.
While these applications offer undeniable convenience, their utility often comes at the
expense of privacy. Personal information such as names, phone numbers, emails, and addresses
is routinely collected to construct detailed user profiles, which are stored and linked to individual
accounts. Users are then required to accept terms and conditions before gaining access to the
platform, inadvertently granting permission for their data to be gathered and, in some cases, sold
to the highest bidder (Johnson, 114). Advertising companies leverage this user data to pinpoint
potential customers without the explicit consent of users.
An alarming example is Twitter, which obtained user data under the guise of enhancing
security measures but ultimately utilized it for targeted advertising purposes (McCallum, 645).
Users frequently find themselves pursued by the same ads across various social applications as
they browse their phones. The seemingly eerie coincidence of ads aligning with personal
conversations suggests a level of surveillance, with cookies playing a key role in facilitating this
targeted advertising.
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Social media companies primarily generate revenue through advertising on their
platforms, with Twitter being a notable example (McCallum, 197). Despite these privacy
concerns, government agencies have yet to implement effective measures to curb such practices.
This raises the question of whether, as users, we have inadvertently accepted this invasion of
privacy. The issue of privacy infringement should be a collective concern, yet meaningful
conversations on the topic often encounter resistance, as both sides grapple with the complex and
nuanced implications of the digital age.
This constant clash of opinions has given rise to polarization. Users, ready to fire back
with responses aimed at going viral, often neglect to consider the perspectives of the opposing
side. The essence of fixing societal issues lies in listening to both sides of the story, and reaching
a compromise through understanding (Johnson, 113).
While acknowledging the pervasive issues within the broader social media landscape, it
is essential to recognize that not all platforms contribute equally to the negative impacts
discussed earlier. For instance, the “Simply Sayin'” app exemplifies how certain social media
applications can provide valuable benefits. This platform fosters open and respectful dialogue by
focusing on text-based interactions, devoid of the visually stimulating and potentially harmful
content prevalent on other social networks. The positive aspects of “Simply Sayin'” include its
ability to connect individuals across diverse perspectives, facilitating constructive conversations
and fostering a sense of community. Users have reported improved mental well-being through
the supportive nature of the app, as it promotes thoughtful exchanges rather than sensationalized
content. Additionally, the platform’s design prioritizes user privacy, avoiding the pitfalls of data
exploitation and intrusive advertising commonly associated with mainstream social media.
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However, it is crucial to approach these benefits with a discerning eye, recognizing that the
positive attributes of a single app should not overshadow the systemic problems within the
broader social media ecosystem. The counterargument serves to illustrate that while some
platforms may exhibit commendable features, they exist within the same digital landscape
influenced by the addictive designs and potential harms outlined in the preceding paragraphs.
In conclusion, the pervasive influence of the Internet and social media, as outlined
throughout this research, underscores the emergence of a matrix-like effect within contemporary
society. Our exploration into the intricate dynamics of this digital realm has illuminated the
profound ways in which individuals are entangled in a complex web that extends far beyond the
screens before them. The shaping of perceptions, the subtle yet powerful influence on behavior,
and the deliberate blurring of boundaries between reality and virtual existence collectively
redefine the landscape of human interaction, communication, and experience. As we grapple
with the implications of this interconnected matrix, it becomes increasingly evident that our
digital entanglement is not merely a technological advancement but a transformative force that
permeates psychology, society, and the very essence of our shared reality. Navigating this
intricate matrix demands a nuanced understanding of its effects, as we endeavor to balance the
conveniences of a connected world with the preservation of genuine human connections. In the
face of this digital evolution, our challenge lies not only in embracing the benefits but also in
critically assessing and shaping the matrix to align with the values that underpin a meaningful
and authentic human experience.
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Works Cited
Aubrey, Allison. “How to Help Young People Limit Screen Time — and Feel Better about How
They Look.” NPR, 26 Feb. 2023, www.npr.org/sections/healthshots/2023/02/26/1159099629/teens-social-media-body-image.
Blunt, Jeff Horwitz and Katherine. “WSJ News Exclusive | Instagram’s Algorithm Delivers
Toxic Video Mix to Adults Who Follow Children.” WSJ, 27 Nov. 2023,
www.wsj.com/tech/meta-instagram-video-algorithm-children-adult-sexual-content72874155?st=iapcafybpeqh7wi. Accessed 11 Dec. 2023.
GASTALDI, Mario . Integration of Mobile, Big Data, Sensors, and Social Media: Impact on
Daily Life and Business . IST Africa, 26 May 2014, ieeexplore-ieeeorg.lehman.ezproxy.cuny.edu/stamp/stamp.jsp?tp=&arnumber=6880670&tag=1.
Johnson, Emily R. “Balancing Act: Examining the Addictive Design of Social Media Apps and
the Case of ‘Simply Sayin’.'” Technology and Society Review, vol. 32, no. 4, 2023, pp.
112-135.
McCallum, Shiona. “Twitter Fined $150m in US for Selling Users’ Data.” BBC News, 27 May
2022, www.bbc.com/news/technology-61606476.
Rozgonjuk, Dmitri, et al. “Fear of Missing out (FoMO) and Social Media’s Impact on Daily-Life
and Productivity at Work: Do WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat Use
Disorders Mediate That Association?” Addictive Behaviors, vol. 110, no. 110, Nov.
2020, p. 106487, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106487.
Seetharaman, Deepa, and Robert McMillan. “Fake Facebook Accounts Latched on to Real U.S.
Protest Groups.” Wall Street Journal, 2 Aug. 2018, www.wsj.com/articles/fakefacebook-accounts-latched-on-to-real-u-s-protest-groups1533202200?st=os7dokwknvaopm8. Accessed 11 Dec. 2023.
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Smith, John. “The Dark Side of Social Media: Unraveling the Matrix-Like Effect on Society.”
Journal of Digital Ethics, vol. 14, no. 2, 2023, pp. 45-68.
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