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Virtual Selves and Textual Encounters
Key Concepts
Self refers to the relatively stable set of perceptions we have about
who we are relative to others. The self is shaped through interaction with others in a variety of settings.
Identity is the behaviors we perform in a setting that are related
to the self. We perform many identities including student,
sibling, child, friend, worker, partner, and so on—all of which
make up the self.
Family consists of people who consider themselves related by
blood, marriage, or adoption. Family is a universal social
institution. This means that while its form may vary, no matter
where you go in the world or how remote the culture, you will
find family.
Socialization is a major job of family. Socialization refers to teaching children the language, social skills, and values of a society
so that they can fit into a larger community.
Ontological security refers to our existential sense of self. According to Anthony Giddens, ontological security comes from our
relationships with family members and friends and is achieved
when we experience the positive and stable emotions that help
us deal with events beyond our control.
If you have taken a sociology class, you probably have spent some
amount of time contemplating the effects of mass media on the self, or
the relatively stable set of perceptions we have about who we are relative to others. We compare ourselves to what we see in glossy magazine
pages or on the screen and often find ourselves lacking. If you are a
woman, then you may find yourself wondering how you measure up to
the models and actresses you see. The points of comparison will vary.
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Some women will focus on how their bodies compare with those of
celebrities. Others will pay attention to actresses’ clothing, hair, facial
features, and skin tone. Most women, however, find themselves not quite
measuring up and looking for exercise programs, diets, and products
that will help them inch closer to the ideal we see in virtually every
place we look. This is no less true for men, who compare their looks,
bodies, abilities, and successes to the images of muscle-bound, handsome actors, musicians, and athletes that dominate the media landscape.
Now imagine that you don’t fit one of these gender ideals and neither
set of images reflects your lived experiences. This is true for more than a
million transgender individuals in the United States who, until recently,
were almost completely absent from the media landscape. The absence
of narratives is just as affecting as skewed ones. When there is no one
that looks, feels, or has experiences like you in the vast offerings of mass
media, it is easy to think that something about you is wrong—even when
it’s not true. Mass media, in other words, influence how we think about
ourselves—our looks, our intelligence, our abilities, and our worth.
Mass media also can affect how we behave in the world. The gorgeous
actors, actresses, musicians, and athletes that we see are successful. They
have wealth and fame. They have made it, and we pay attention to their
behavior. We look for cues on how to make it too. As we discussed in the
introduction, the behaviors that lead to celebrity are not always socially
desirable. For example, if Teen Mom actually causes young women to
get pregnant because they see the show as a way to fame and fortune,
then the show has the opposite of the desired effect, which is to reduce
teen pregnancy. This, of course, is a dramatic example. Mass media can
affect how we behave in more subtle ways—how we walk or dance and
what products we think express our identities.
To get a better sense of how this works, watch the PBS Frontline video
“The Merchants of Cool” (the link is at the end of this chapter). While
it is a bit dated (Britney Spears was at the top of her game in 2001 rather
than trying to make a comeback), the video illustrates two important
points. First, the video shows how the economic function of mass media
affect what and how products are sold to us. Recall from the introduction that we discussed how mass media are a social institution but that
they have a profit-making function as well. As a result, television programs sometimes give mixed messages to the audience. Teen Mom is
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designed to prevent teen pregnancy but also uses the episodes to showcase clothing and products that are too expensive for the average young
mother. In “The Merchants of Cool,” the narrator of the video Douglas
Rushkoff explains how media giant Viacom packages and markets “cool”
to teens on MTV. Second, and more important for this discussion, the
video shows how the teens, who gobble up MTV’s programing, mimic
what they see. In a particularly poignant scene, a group of teens realize
the cameras are taping them at a dance and they begin cheering and
dancing just like the musicians, dancers, and spring breakers featured on
MTV. The teens are presenting what they believe is desirable behavior.
In short, the video shows how mass media shape our behavior, or, more
specifically, how we present ourselves to others—even if we cannot see
them.
You can start to see why sociologists are interested in studying the
self. As we talked about in the previous chapter, sociologists are interested in how individuals reproduce and challenge social institutions.
Remember that the behavior of one actor is shaped by the behaviors of
other actors and by changes in the institutional context. We generally
behave in predictable ways because it allows us to achieve our goals. At
a more basic level, the interactions we have with one another also shape
the self. Sociologist Erving Goffman used the theatre as a metaphor to
explain how our interactions affect the ways in which we think about
ourselves. Goffman argues that we can understand how we craft our
sense of self by studying how we “perform” in front of others in different “settings” or different social situations where interactions take place.
Think of it this way. In a setting, we are on stage, and we perform an
identity—or a particular version of our self—for an “audience” through
our language, gestures, and actions. This performance is calculated. We
behave in ways that are consistent with the situation and the expectations of the audience.
As you can probably guess, there is more than one stage, and we give
more than one performance over the course of the day. Since there are
multiple settings where we interact with others, we have multiple identities, many of which are associated with a social institution. For example,
student, sibling or son, congregant, and friend are all identities that we
may have that correspond with different behaviors and settings. As a
result, how you interact with a religious leader in a place of worship
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is probably very different than how you interact with your friends at
a party. This does not mean we lack an authentic identity or that we
simply perform for whomever we are interacting with. We are able to
navigate the social world because our different identities fit together
in the “back stage.” Like the theatre, the back stage is the place where
the audience cannot see us and, consequently, we can be ourselves and
drop the identities that we enact when we are in front of others. In the
back stage, we can make sense of our various identities and their importance in our lives. While the relationship between self and identity can
be complicated, Goffman’s point is that we shouldn’t understand the self
as a biological characteristic that we are born with. The self develops
through interaction as we anticipate, interpret, and respond to others.
Now imagine all the stages available to us in the digital age. It is not
uncommon for individuals to have several different profiles so that they
can perform different identities to several different audiences simultaneously. For example, my personal website, WordPress site, LinkedIn,
Academia.edu, Research Gate, Facebook, and Twitter profiles are all
slightly different. I present my professional self on my website and WordPress site. These sites are full of information regarding research I’ve done
and interviews and talks I’ve given. I view this website as my first point
of contact with the larger professional world, and I spend time updating the content and minimizing the information that is available about
my personal life. This is far less true of my LinkedIn, Academic.edu, and
Research Gate profiles, which I spend very little time working on. Here,
I present myself as a colleague. Since I know that my colleagues—other
academics—often are pressed for time and have a lot of professional
demands, they won’t care that my profiles are updated sporadically and,
in fact, will understand exactly why this is the case. I communicate with
my friends and close colleagues primarily through Facebook, so what I
post is far more personal. I present myself as a friend and person with an
active life so I share my political views, headlines from the Onion, and lots
of family photos. I use Twitter as a semiprofessional place, since I also use
it to post relevant material to my course websites. The identity that I perform is “professor who is interested in engaging with the world and who
also is a person with a life and some opinions.” My Twitter profile includes
a picture of me with family, but I am careful not to tweet too many of my
personal opinions, since I don’t want my students to view my classes as
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biased. Once I am done teaching, I am a bit freer with my political and
social commentary as well as the pictures of my kids—although I try to
remember that students can search the last couple months of tweets.
None of these identities are inauthentic. My profiles simply reflect
different identities and meet the expectations of the intended audience.
Journalists who visit my website want to quickly figure out if I am the
appropriate person to weigh in on their story and, in the case of live radio
or television, see if I have any media experience. My colleagues who visit
my professional pages want to see if I have uploaded copies of recent publications, and my friends who follow me on Facebook want to know what
I think of different issues and what my family is up to. Of course, this
scenario was not envisioned by Goffman. For one thing, our interactions
transcend time and space, meaning we do not have to be in the same
place at the same time to interact with one another. Email and texting do
not require us to be anywhere near the person or people we are interacting with, nor do they require an instant response. For another thing, the
back stage envisioned by Goffman isn’t completely outside of the view of
the audience. We reveal so much about ourselves online that audiences
can easily find the different ways that we narrate our lives.
In this chapter, we will explore how new media have changed our
relationships. We will begin by looking at the family, since, as we discuss
below, familial relationships play a critical role in our overall well-being
and affect how we interact with one another. As we will see, it is not
clear how new media affects socialization, or how parents teach their
children about the world and their place in it. This is not completely
surprising. Social scientists have always struggled to determine when
and how mass media affect socialization and this research is not easier
to do in the digital age. However, we can see that new media have altered
how parents and teens communicate dramatically. Then we will turn
our attention to how new media have changed the ways in which teens
interact with their friends. We will see that new media can make teen
friendships more guarded and superficial. In the digital age, sometimes
the number of connections becomes more important than the quality
of the connection, which makes friendships less secure. At the same
time, it is impossible to deny that new media allow teens to connect with
others in ways that were impossible just twenty years ago. Social media,
for instance, allow teens to make and maintain virtual friendships
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with people on the other side of the world. In short, we will see that
new media shape relationships and our sense of self in complex and
contradictory ways.
Case Study
TallHotBlonde
Have you ever pretended to be someone else online?
In 2006, a forty-six-year-old father of two named Thomas Montgomery killed his coworker over an eighteen-year-old woman named Jessi,
whose handle was TallHotBlonde. They met online in a teen chat room.
In this deadly love triangle, however, almost no one was who they said
they were. Jessi claimed to be a high school senior who loved to play softball. When Jessi sent Montgomery provocative pictures of herself, Montgomery, who went by the handle MarineSniper, sent Jessi thirty-year-old
pictures of himself from boot camp. That’s right. Montgomery pretended
he was eighteen instead of forty-six years old. Before long, Montgomery
and TallHotBlonde were engaged in an online sexual relationship.
Montgomery’s wife learned about the affair and sent Jessi pictures of
her, her husband, and their family. Horrified, Jessi ended the relationship.
She told Montgomery that she hated him. Then Jessi began an online relationship with Montgomery’s coworker, Brian Barrett, a twenty-two-yearold part-time machinist and college student. Montgomery watched their
romance blossom in the same chat rooms he used to frequent with Jessi.
Montgomery became jealous, made threats online, and then shot and
killed Barrett after work one day. Police quickly learned about the love
triangle and went to question Jessi. They learned that Jessi’s mother, Mary,
had been impersonating her daughter online. Mary had sent all the messages. Montgomery pleaded guilty to murder and received a twenty-year
sentence. Mary’s husband filed for a divorce and the real Jessi moved
away from her mother.
You can watch the video about the case at ABCNews.com. Discuss the
following questions:
• How might Goffman explain these presentations of self?
• Can we be authentic and pretend to be someone else? Why or why not?
• Is it ethical to pretend to be someone else online? Why or why not?
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Cyber Family
Family, which consists of people who consider themselves related by
blood, marriage, or adoption, is universal. While its form may vary, no
matter where you go in the world or how remote the culture, you will
find family. As mentioned in the previous chapter, family is an important
social institution that helps maintain social stability and keeps society working. Family fulfills several important functions, three of which we will discuss
here. First, the family plays a central role in socialization, or teaching children
the language, social skills, and values of a society, so that they can fit into a
larger community. Second, the family is a source of practical and emotional
support for its members. Parents provide children with the essentials—food,
shelter, and clothing—as well as love and, when needed, comfort. Finally, family gives us a basic sense of self. Our first interactions are with family members, and they provide us with our first set of beliefs and values that tell us how
to navigate a confusing world.
Family, of course, is not the only influence on us during our formative
years. During your youth, you probably watched a bit of TV now and
then and used the characters and plots you saw on programs in your
own play. You may even recall a parent or relative instructing you to
watch programs such as Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, or Go, Diego!
Go! because they were educational. You may not have considered how
media content has shaped your sense of self. Social scientists and pediatricians have been concerned over the effects of mass media on the family for a long time. A central concern is over the role mass media play in
socializing America’s youth. Movies and television programs sometimes
show individuals rewarded for behavior that families or society may not
find desirable, and musicians occasionally talk about issues (and use
language) that many parents may find unsavory. Interestingly, we most
often debate the role of mass media in the socialization of children, and
implicitly if it is more influential than family, in the wake of tragedy.
One of the most discussed tragedies is the 1999 shootings at Columbine
High School. On April 20, 1999, Eric Harris, eighteen years old, and
Dylan Klebold, seventeen years old, set two propane bombs in Columbine High School. When the bombs failed to detonate, the boys went
on a shooting spree, killing thirteen people and wounding more than
twenty others before committing suicide.
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The incident, which was the worst high school shooting in US history
at the time, prompted a national debate on the role of mass media in
the crime. This was different from more recent school shootings, such
as the tragedies at Sandy Hook Elementary and Virginia Tech, because
there wasn’t evidence that Harris or Klebold were mentally ill. Parents,
politicians, citizens, and journalists pointed to their media consumption.
In particular, the video game Doom and the music of Marilyn Manson
came under fire. It turns out that Harris and Klebold were avid players of
Doom, which was an early first-person-shooter game. You can check out
a clip that gives you a sense of what the game looked like on YouTube
(there is a link at the end of this chapter). You will see that the game
features an unnamed space marine who battles invading demons from
Hell. The game was already controversial because of its graphic violence
and satanic imagery. The debate about the negative effects of Doom on
kids, their values, and their behavior reached new heights when law
enforcement found Harris’s journal. In it, Harris compared killing real
people to playing the game and bragged that the gun he bought was just
like the one in Doom.
Pundits and military personnel criticized Doom for teaching the boys
to be killers. The game, they argued, socialized the boys to be soldiers.
One former army colonel, who appeared on both 60 Minutes and the
Today Show, described the game as a “mass murder simulator” that provides military-type training. Doom, the colonel argued, taught Harris
and Klebold how to make “kill shots” so that they could save ammunition as they moved through the game. The colonel also suggested that
the violent game ultimately desensitized them against the gory results of
taking a life. According to the 60 Minutes report, Doom was used by the
military to teach soldiers how to move slowly through a building as well
as to shoot and kill targets. The report clearly suggested that the game
socialized the boys to devalue and take lives.
Rocker Marilyn Manson was also blamed for the tragedy. News
media outlets falsely reported that Harris and Klebold were big fans
of Manson’s music and styled their gothic look, which included a trench
coat, on his. Manson, who had long been the enemy of religious organizations, became a national scapegoat and was accused of targeting his
messages of violence, hate, and celebration of suicide squarely at teens.
Manson’s critics argued that his music basically taught kids that violence
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and even suicide were acceptable solutions to life’s problems. Manson
dismissed these claims. He argued that his music was misunderstood.
His main goal was to challenge social norms and values so that those
who felt out of place in the world knew that they were not alone. In an
article Manson wrote for Rolling Stone (June 24, 1999), he notes that
entertainment has always been an easy scapegoat for American society’s
tragedies. He writes, “America loves to find an icon to hang its guilt on.
But, admittedly, I have assumed the role of Antichrist; I am the Nineties
voice of individuality, and people tend to associate anyone who looks
and behaves differently with illegal or immoral activity. Deep down,
most adults hate people who go against the grain. It’s comical that people are naive enough to have forgotten Elvis, Jim Morrison and Ozzy
so quickly. All of them were subjected to the same age-old arguments,
scrutiny and prejudice.”
Later in the article, Manson points out that scapegoating entertainers
and video games is far easier than going after the National Rifle Association, which he suggests should carry some of the blame for Harris and
Klebold’s ability to easily get guns and ammunition. Manson notes,
So is entertainment to blame? I’d like media commentators to ask themselves, because their coverage of the event was some of the most gruesome
entertainment any of us have seen. I think that the National Rifle Association is far too powerful to take on, so most people choose Doom, The Basketball Diaries or yours truly. This kind of controversy does not help me
sell records or tickets, and I wouldn’t want it to. I’m a controversial artist,
one who dares to have an opinion and bothers to create music and videos
that challenge people’s ideas in a world that is watered-down and hollow.
In my work I examine the America we live in, and I’ve always tried to
show people that the devil we blame our atrocities on is really just each
one of us. So don’t expect the end of the world to come one day out of the
blue—it’s been happening every day for a long time.
This discussion should make it clear that it is very difficult to figure
out how mass media matter to socialization because there are other factors that play a role in socialization as well. In addition to family and
mass media, our friends, our communities, our schools, and our group
affiliations (such as those with religious groups or gangs) all affect how
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we think about the world and our role in it. More important, the Columbine case highlights our tendency to talk about mass media as either
a positive or negative influence on socialization. On the one hand, this
makes a lot of sense. We want to know what is good or bad for us and
our kids. On the other hand, socialization is far too complicated for scientists to say little more than mass media play a role in it.
The concern over mass media’s effect on socialization hasn’t changed
in the digital age. We see this concern most clearly in efforts to track
how much time American youth spend with new media and what they
are doing with their digital devices. For example, Common Sense Media
does a yearly census tracking how much time tweens and teens spend
using mass media. In its 2015 census on media use by tweens and teens,
Common Sense found that kids spend on average nine hours per day
engaged with new media, not including their use for school and homework. If you look at the charts below (figures 1.1 and 1.2), you will see
that the Common Sense Media Census considers tweens and teens separately and that they break users down into different categories based on
the activities in which they most engage: light users, readers, mobile
gamers, heavy viewers, video gamers, and social networkers. You probably immediately noticed that overall teens (thirteen- to seventeen-yearolds) spend more time using media than tweens and that a lot of media
use involves mobile or computer gaming. Teens spend nine hours and
seventeen minutes per day on average gaming. Tweens only spend about
six hours engaged in the same activity. In its census, Common Sense
Media also notes that most of the new media use happens while kids are
supposed to be doing their homework. Remember, the census focuses
on new media use unrelated to school work and homework. The census
suggests that new media are a potential distraction for kids.
Surveys that track teens’ new media use also show that kids share
and are exposed to inappropriate content in the digital age. A survey published by the Journal of Pediatricians found that 58 percent of
teens (fourteen- to seventeen-year-olds) have viewed pornography on
a computer or mobile phone and 37 percent of teens have received a
link to sexually explicit content. Additionally, an anonymous survey
of undergraduates found that more than half of the participants admitted
to sending sexually explicit material via a text, or sexting, in high school.
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Figure 1.1. Tween Media Profiles in Hours and Minutes. Source: Common Sense Media.
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Figure 1.2. Teen Media Profiles in Hours and Minutes. Source: Common Sense Media.
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Up to 61 percent of those surveyed also admitted that they did not
realize that underage sexting is illegal in some states, nor did they
realize the steep punishments, including jail time and being labeled a
sex offender, that accompanied a conviction. If you go to Mobile Media
Guard’s website, you can look up pending and existing legislation. In
Texas, for instance, minors who are caught sexting can be charged with
a misdemeanor and forced to attend a state-sponsored sexting education class with a parent. If the minor is caught creating, distributing, or
possessing a sexually explicit image of another minor, he or she could
be charged under Texas’s child pornography statutes. Some states, like
Wyoming, don’t distinguish between minors and adults, and charge
individuals, regardless of age, under the state’s child pornography laws.
What is implicit in the results, which are mostly read by parents and
educators, is that grownups need to be concerned about how new media
shape the core beliefs, values, and behavior of America’s children. While
these surveys provide a partial context for understanding how teens
connect with one another in the digital age, we cannot use these surveys
to make arguments regarding the role of new media in socialization.
So what can social scientists study when it comes to the effects of new
media on the relationships between parents and children? They can analyze how new media change the way parents and children communicate
with one another. New media provide families with some basic conveniences that almost go without saying. It is much easier for families to
coordinate busy schedules and to keep track of one another in the digital
world. Parents and children frequently text one another regarding afterschool plans and late practices, making it easy for parents to adjust when
and where they pick up their kids after work.
New media also change how well parents and children connect with
one another in the real world. Social scientists find that face-to-face interactions are critical to parent-child relationships because they give conversations context. When parents and kids can see one another’s facial
cues and body language, they can gauge each other’s reactions and assess
what the other person needs from the conversation—a sympathetic ear,
praise, admonishment, or advice. We can all probably remember at least
one time where we had a terrible day at school but told a parent that
everything was fine. If our loved ones were paying attention and noticed
our slumped shoulders and the tone of our voices, they pressed the issue
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to make sure we were OK or at least gave us a sympathetic hug. New
media can be distractions that take attention away from these important
face-to-face encounters. It is easy to imagine family members, each with
their noses buried in a phone or tablet, gathered around a shared table,
eating dinner and engaging with someone or something else.
Social scientists do have insight into how new media potentially
undermine the quality of the face-to-face interactions between parents
and children. For instance, Sherry Turkle, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who interviewed dozens of adults and
teens, found that we are generally obsessed with being connected. We
check our email, texts, and social media accounts constantly in order
to make sure that we are not “missing out” on news or events of interest. Our smartphones, laptops, and tablets, as a result, are a distraction
during our face-to-face encounters. This is something that teens complain about. Teens told Turkle that they felt distant from their parents
even when they were in the same room engaged in a shared activity. For
example, one teen noted that his father and he watch sports together
but complained that his dad was constantly on his mobile phone. His
dad’s behavior bothered him because it made him seem disinterested
and disconnected. Another teen expressed frustration that her mom was
always on the phone when she picked her up after school. She wished
that her mom would get off the phone and talk to her instead. Moreover, teens did not consider connecting online through social media or
via text message an acceptable substitute for face-to-face interaction.
“Friending” them on social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram as well as texting them when they were out with their friends
were regarded as attempts to keep tabs on them rather than an effort to
connect. In short, Turkle consistently found that teens want to spend
more quality time with their parents in the “real” world.
You might be thinking that the solution to this problem is obvious.
Parents simply need to put their phones down and connect with their
children. You wouldn’t be alone in that thought. If you go online, you
will quickly see that there is no shortage of suggestions on how parents
can make sure that they are connecting with their kids in the digital age.
Social scientists, however, find that the problem may not be so not easily
solved. As we will discuss in more detail in another chapter, new media
make employees available for work after hours and on vacations. Many
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employees are expected to answer their phones, emails, and even do
work outside the regular workday. These work demands intrude on family time in ways that parents cannot always control. Additionally, social
scientists find that new media can help teens transition into adulthood.
The distance that new media create between parents and children can be
good for teens as they develop identities outside of the family. As we discuss in more detail in the following section, new media provide forums
where teens can experiment with their personality characteristics and
develop virtual friendships.
In sum, we don’t know how much influence new media have in the
socialization process. This effect of mass media has never been completely clear. Socialization is difficult to study, and determining if parents, media, communities, schools, or affiliations matter more in a
particular individual’s life at a moment in time is nearly impossible to
discern. It is clear, however, that we spend a lot of time engaged with
new media and that digital technology change how parents and children
interact. In a connected world, parents find it more difficult to turn off
their mobile phones and laptops and engage with their children. This is
something that teens notice and complain about. In the next section, we
will look at how this obsession with being connected changes how teens
interact with one another and what this might mean for their relationships and their construction of self.
Digital Relationships
The quality of our connections with family affects how we navigate our
relationships. When our family life is stable and secure and we know
we are loved, we feel more confident going out into the world, meeting
new people, and trying new things. We can use the ideas of sociologist
Anthony Giddens to begin to understand the importance of our relationships in the digital age. Giddens argues that the modern world is
characterized by blurred boundaries between globalism, or networks
of connections that bridge space and time, and individuality, or the
characteristics that distinguish us from one another, which affect how
we connect with one another.
This may seem a bit confusing. So let’s use social media to understand the relationship between new media and ourselves. Social media
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Case Study
The Curated Life Online
Commemorating the twenty-fifth anniversary of the World Wide Web,
the Guardian, a British newspaper, put together