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What you were missing :

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1.About me – Too short. Unsatisfactory 150’ish words

2.You were missing of Education highlight- high grade assignment over 80% with word document and feedback I gave you

3.‘Statement of Philosophy’-150’ish words – you also lack

And add the following information:

4.Course studied – What course i have studied and description and specific outcome of each course

5.Previous Employment – Summary what did i do in there – What year

AND MAKE IT MORE CREATIVE